Are Relationships Hard?

Moving from the idea that “relationships are hard” to “relationships are how we learn.” What if our biggest relationship problem was our point of view? How many times have we said “it’s work to be in a relationship” or “I’m glad I dumped him, it was too much work!” The idea of “relationship work” is a daunting one, when there is so much “work” to do in our lives on a daily basis (make money, take care of the kids, the house, etc…). The idea of our relationships being “work” would scare anyone into NOT HAVING RELATIONSHIPS. And yet, for many, working on their relationships is how they have managed to stay together. They happily admit it takes work, and that it’s worth it.

But what if there were a different way to look at relationships? I propose we look at relationships from the point of view that there is no personal growth, no self-knowing, no evolving, but for our relationships. It is THROUGH our relationships that we learn about ourselves. So the more effort (different word for “work”) we put into our relationships, the more we learn about ourselves, the deeper our personal experiences can become, and the more we get to experience intimacy, love, connection, and conscious choice, just to name a few. And to go one step further, what if our relationships were the key to knowing what our contribution was on the planet – what our presence presenced while we were here? That image of who and how many show up at our funerals comes to my mind. If “being in relationship” became a natural extension of who we are, rather than something to work on all the time, perhaps many things would shift, personally, locally, globally…

So, if we were to look at our primary relationships as extensions of who we are in the world and not something to “work on, endure, struggle with,” how might those relationships (or more specifically, that other person who you have been working on, struggling with, enduring…) show up differently?

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